Tuesday, June 21, 2016

The caring place

Hey mom,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I still miss you everyday and I spend a lot of time remembering the good times. I think you would be really proud of me, I'm using my grief experience (losing you) to help other children in similar situations!!!!!

I have been volunteering at highmark caring place for almost a year now. I'm a lead facilitator in the young group, which is children ages 6-8 or maybe 9 depending on developmental stages. These kids have all lost a loved one, maybe a mom or a dad; a grandparent or a sibling. It's so sad to look in the eyes of an 8-year-old girl and commiserate with how much she misses her mom.

Sometimes I'm thankful....

That I got to have so much time with you, mom. Because we made such great memories and taught me lifelong lessons. YOU made me who I am today. You're influence, lessons, discipline, love, guidance and respect for me has made me this great human being.

That makes me sad also: 1) you can't see what an awesome job you did. And I do work so hard to make sure I'm still making my mommy proud (and hopefully you see that from heaven)
2) the kids that I work with aren't going to remember their loved ones as much as I can.

In my last group, I had a little girl who lost her dad. To a heart attack. And she asked me, has anyone you ever loved died? We are trained to answer this very carefully. However, all my training went out the window as my heart was tugged on. And I blurted out, yes! My mom died to a heart attack too! And this little girl got so excited, not that you died, but that someone got it. Someone understood her feelings and was still a great member of society. Her dad wanted her to become anything she wanted, just the way you always encouraged me!

Mommy, even though at times I acted like an awful spoiled brat, I want you to know that you did an amazing job and I'm a GREAT woman because of you!

Until we meet again,

Jessie xoxo